------------------------------------------
August 31, 2013
People ask me how I/we are doing, so here are some of my babbling thoughts right now. No real flow.
Sometimes when I stop and think about what's happening to my dad right now, I get this panicky feeling down inside that starts to well up and I think to myself: This can't really be happening… Not to Dad. Dad is the rock in our family. He never even gets sick. He never gets mad. He always has some good insight, wisdom, or perspective, if we stop to ask him and wait to listen. He has always taken care of us, whether it is fixing things that break around the house, maintaining the vehicles, the yard, keeping the fire going in winter, advising us, providing the income… he's been the sanity, the calming influence, and spiritual guidance amidst this crazy family of now 19 (and counting?). There's probably a host of other things he's provided that we just take for granted and haven't even noticed yet… I wonder, what are we without him???
I once had a very real dream when I was an early teen. I dreamed that Dad died. It was real enough to me that I woke myself up sobbing. I was so relieved that it was just a dream and the whole day (and whenever I thought of it afterward), I was so thankful that I still had my Daddy.
And every now and then these past two weeks I have caught myself thinking, "I just need to wake up out of this bad dream and everything will be fine again! DAD CAN'T DIE! It's just not possible!" But then I'm reminded that it IS possible. Very possible. In fact, he pretty much has an eminent death sentence hanging over him right now. And only a miracle from God will save him.
Now, as much as we all need Dad, and I personally don't want to lose him, I'm especially concerned about my four youngest siblings, who have been a part of our family for about 10 years now. Selena, John, Rachelle, and Joseph joined our family at the ages of 3 months to 5 years old, and are now aged 10, 12, 13, and 15. They are living with the potential reality of what was only a bad dream for me at their age. They in particular are confused, irritable, upset, angry, fearful, withdrawn, etc. right now.
At a time like this it's truly wonderful to be part of such a big "peanut butter family" (we stick together), yet at the same time it can also be overwhelming. There are so many levels of need, from the nursing baby, screeching toddlers, band of hyper-active youngsters thundering and wrestling through the halls, pre teens and early teens with their insecurities and hormonal stuff goin' on, college kids (one of them far away), young parents, the "out-laws", and of course the great matriarch and patriarch themselves. Everyone is stressing, grieving, accepting, denying, questioning, praying, and processing in different ways and at different times. The child side of ME sometimes just wants to curl up in a ball on the couch in absolute silent solitude and cry. But solitude is not something easy to come by around here. It seems like there are constantly kids either fighting, screaming, hungry, bored, or all of the above. My youngest siblings are all trying to talk at the same time and have all kinds of "solutions" and questions. "What if...?" "What if..." "What if..." they ask, coming up with different potential scenarios "if Dad dies". The phone is ringing, house is dirty, laundry is… you get the picture. It's just kinda chaotic. It's probably hard for anyone, whatever our age or stage to really process anything properly right now!
------------------------------------------
September 2, 2013
This morning we all woke up planning to get all of us out of the house to take a trip to the beach. Dad, however, woke up feeling not so great. He was rather emotional, and explained to Mom that his head was not hurting, but that it did not feel right, it felt full or something. He felt like there was a pill stuck in his throat that was making it hard to swallow, and he seemed agitated (which again, is not Dad to be agitated). The kids started swarming and stressing and worrying, as were we adults. Short story even shorter: the wonderful Segura family came to the rescue by taking 6 of our 8 minors to the zoo with them today, so that Dad, Mom, Cherilyn, and I can have a short reprieve here to think through, talk, and try to figure some stuff out together in a bit quieter house.
After talking with the doctor, some of Dad's latest symptoms are probably due to the medications he's on. We're going to work to cut those back, and potentially go off of them completely. Dad is in the final stages of a most aggressive type of melanoma. There's nothing humanly/medically that can be done to cure him. (Maybe a few things we could try that might extend his life... but not really his QUALITY of life.) This is a huge learning and growing experience for all of us. We believe that God is All Powerful and is also a God of life and healing. We believe that He CAN and WILL heal Dad... for His glory, IF that is His will. Whatever the outcome though, we trust Him to work in and thru this situation for eternal good. God is in control.
We so much appreciate continued prayers and support for our family: for wisdom as we make multiple decisions (such as school for the kids, hospice support, how long I should stay here with the family, etc., etc.), for peace (my younger siblings are stressed and fearful right now), for God to heal our Dad, for us to surrender and trust Him thru it all
 |
| My lovely, trustworthy Nalgene |
3rd Tallest Mountain in Africa!
Day one: 6 hours, 6,036 ft. elevation gain, 4.6 miles.
Mt. Cameroon, there are definite mixed feelings when I hear the name. “Do you climb mountains?” this was the question I got the night before we were supposed to climb Cameroon. I can’t say that I have climbed any impressively tall mountains, but I do enjoy hiking… if that even counts. The rest of that evening’s talk centered on different climbs or hikes people had done and I started getting more and more concerned about climbing the next day. Moriah and I set our alarms for 5 o’clock so that we would be sure to have everything ready and be loaded up at 5:45. We should have known that even though we were told 5:45 we wouldn’t be leaving the house till at least 6:15. After much waiting we finally made it up to the Old Bicec (bank) where we met up with our guides and porters.
The porters were awesome. At our planning meeting with Walters, we had been told to bring our big backpacking backpacks with us (if we had them) because it would make it easier on the porters. Once I saw their packs, I understood why Walters had said that. They had plastic grain sacks for the pack and twine for straps.
Our trek started and by the time I made it to the Upper Farms, I was already out of breath. I was thinking to myself that, if I was already tired what was I going to be doing later when it got tougher?! After about 2 hours of hiking we made it to Hut 1, where the cook gave us fresh avocado, hard boiled eggs, and bread.(Mmm, Mmm Good!) Once we rested for a bit we headed on up the trail, well I should say, I crawled up the trail. After we got out of the jungle the trail basically went straight up (at least that’s what it felt like) and it was mostly lava rock. (Bring on the StairMaster.) Basically throughout the whole trip Moriah and I were bringing up the rear just to make sure there were no stragglers (had nothing to do with fact that I was out of breath and dying!). Once reaching Hut 2 at about 2:30 we all sprawled out and took naps. Not long after I lay down I was awoken because fire was coming our way. There has been a lot of clearing of the mountain in preparation for the Race of Hope at the end of February, so we were just in the path of some of that. (If you’ve never heard of the race you should check it out on Youtube, it’s pretty intense!) The rest of that day was spent just relaxing and socializing. We had a wonderful dinner of rice and stew and since a lot of us were pretty tired we headed to bed fairly early. There were a couple of people that slept in tents, but the majority of us in the shelters. The shelter had raised wooden platforms that we spread our mats and sleeping bags out on. (not the comfiest, but still pretty decent!)
Day 2: 9 ½ hours, 3,939 ft elevation gain, 5,726 ft elevation loss, 10.4 miles.
Woke up at 6:30, packed up our stuff and had a breakfast of tea, bread, and hard boiled eggs. We were able to head out of camp by 7:45. It was hard starting again, kind of like on the first day, but as I got farther up the trail it became a little easier starting again after the breaks. I’d have to say though that, during my many breaks I did enjoy the scenery! It was really gorgeous up there!
Each hill we climbed I would hope that we were almost there, but I was told that it was just a little farther. When we did finally see the summit, that’s when it seemed to take longer. The altitude was getting to me and I was having to take more breaks just to catch my breath. I felt super bad for our guide, Walters, because he was having to wait for us. He was extremely patient with Moriah and I as we slowly made our way up the mountain. I also felt bad that the rest of the group was having to wait for me. (They all were at the top probably an hour or so ahead of us, and it was pretty chilly up there too!) As we got closer the group at the top started giving encouragements and cheering us on, telling us, “Only a little bit farther!”, “You can do it!”. It was so nice having that encouragement and knowing that they weren’t completely frustrated with how slow we were!
At reaching the top I looked for the closest place to collapse. I then pulled out one of my granola bars, put another jacket on, and then crawled over to the summit sign to get a group picture. It was so exciting knowing that I actually made it to the summit. (And the whole way down the other side of the mountain I, kept remembering it and getting SO excitedJ) About 15 minutes after Moriah and I got to the top we all started down the back of the mountain, headed to Man Springs where we were going to be camping that night. Going down was a whole lot easier then going up (at least in the beginning). There were three main areas that we went through: gravel area, lava rock, grassland and jungle. Many times throughout the trip I had to stop to dump out all the sand, dust, and gravel from my shoes.
It was probably the last hour of the hike that day, that I started just going into robot mode; putting one foot in front of the other trying to keep my legs from buckling under me! I was very glad to reach camp that evening. To rest and clean my feet off. (It was crazy I had dirt all the way up to my thigh!) After getting some rest Hilary, our cook, made a wonderful meal for us and then I headed to bed.
Day 3: 5 hours, 4,370 ft elevation loss, 8.7 miles
We got up at about 5:30 ish and had another breakfast of bread, hard boiled eggs, and tea. Then we packed up our gear and headed out for the last 5 hour stretch. Once again the view was amazing, more lava, grassland and jungle. I would have to say that this was probably one of the hardest days. I was kind of ready to be out, and it seemed like the trail just went on and on, straight down. I’m sure that I fell (at least) 5 or 6 times because my legs giving out randomly. My walking stick, which I named Jed, kept splitting and getting shorter and shorter.
But despite all the achy muscles, seemingly endless downhill hiking, and biting ants there were many times through out the trip that just cracked me up. If I could have been one of the porters and been able to see myself limping along while they literally ran down the trail. Or being able to see myself jumping over the ant trails so that I wouldn’t get bitten. And the other one was when Moriah and I started singing “Higher Ground” and changed the words, instead of, “Lord plant my feet on higher ground” it was, “Lord, plant my feet on lower ground” J.
We got out of the jungle at about 12 which wasn’t too bad of a time… yet apparently we didn’t look that great because all the villagers kept saying, “Ashia!” (I’m sorry) as we passed them. I was very ready to be done at that point and even more so ready for a shower. So, after waiting for the rest of our crew to show up and for our ride to get to Bakwango (the village we ended in) I was able to have a nice cold bucket bath, since our water had stopped working! The rest of that day I just sat in my room and enjoyed not having to do anything!
I am VERY glad that I did the climb! It was extremely challenging, the scenery was spectacular, our group was tons of fun, and the weather behaved! I’d say over all it was a great trip.
In the last couple of months Trixy has been letting me sit in on her consultations. It always fascinates me seeing how easily she goes through the assessments, how she figures out what’s wrong, and seems to always have an answer for the complaints. She’s been encouraging me to do the assessments also, but I stumble through, not knowing what is applicable and what is not. Despite the challenge of it it’s still an awesome experience and I feel like I’m learning a lot.
In the beginning of February we had our first rain of the season. I had been sitting in the clinic enjoying the downpour when I heard that the hospital roof had come off. Later I found out that it was only leaking (leaking majorly) and the top floor had about 2 or more inches of water flowing through out the building. So, basically whoever wasn’t needed at the clinic came up to squeegee, sweep, or bucket water out of the hospital. After about an hour or so we had it fairly cleared out, but all the beds were soaked and the hospital was in an upheaval.
That same day I had started feeling sick so by the time we had finished with the hospital I wanted to just collapse. I made it through the rest of the day, but the next day I was dragging pretty bad. I had two more day of work and only Moriah was ‘free’ to work for me. The problem with that was that she was also work nights so she would be on for 34 hrs. I was out for the next 4 or so days with fevers, headaches, chills, vomiting, you name it I had it. I was afraid it was malaria or typhoid but both of those tests came out negative so I guess it was just the flu. Moriah was a great nurse she got me all my drugs, made me meals, and kept me entertained. I REALLY appreciate all the help she did for me (she’s basically the best friend and the best room mate!).
