Lack of Focus

These last couple weeks I have been struggling with keeping focused and taking time to sit and soak up time with God. And unfortunately, today was not any different. I managed to find links on Facebook that "needed to be checked" as well as taking an extra long time to figure out breakfast and writing a "To Do List". So, by the time I actually drew myself away from those things, I was feeling very frustrated, very distracted, and not really sure just how much I'd get from my devotions.

I started my prayer journal with, "What do you want me to learn today, God?... Will you open my mind to the lessons you have for me?" I read through Isaiah 10, not really being inspired by anything except for the fact that Isaiah was hard core and that I admired his persistence and faith. Then I switched over to Patriarchs and Prophets chapter 31, "Hope for the Heathen, which dug deeper into Isaiah's time period. This is where I found the little jewels that encouraged me in my walk.


Chapter 31 in Patriarchs and Prophets
"No distinction on account of nationality, race, or caste, is recognized by God. He is the Maker of all mankind. All men are of one family by creation, and all are one through redemption...His love is so broad, so deep, so full, that it penetrates everywhere... In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, bond nor free." p. 369-70

"Heaven's plan of salvation is broad enough to embrace the whole world. God longs to breathe in to prostrate humanity the breath of life. And He will not permit any soul to be disappointed who is sincere in his longing for something higher and nobler than anything the world can offer. Constantly He is sending His angels to those who, while surrounded by circumstances the most discouraging, pray in faith for some power higher than themselves to take possession of them and bring deliverance and peace. In various ways God will reveal Himself to them and will place them in touch with providences that will establish their confidence in the One who has given himself a ransom for all..." p. 377-78

That second section is what really jumped out at me. The mental picture of God leaning over offering us something more, something that will give life to our lives. It encouraged me that I really am not alone, I've got hope, and that I need to continue to fight the fight of faith. I've got an awesome, patient, present and long suffering God.

How is God speaking to you today? 

Exodus 29

39 Offer one [sacrifice] in the morning and the other at twilight. 42 “For the generations to come this burnt offering is to be made regularly at the entrance to the tent of meeting, before the Lord. There I will meet you and speak to you; 46 They will know that I am the Lord their God, who brought them out of Egypt so that I might dwell among them. I am the Lord their God.

Exodus 29:39,42,46

Things learned from these verses:
1. The sacrifices were to start and end the day

2. God wants to meet AND talk with us

3. He wants us to recognize what He's brought us from (slavery of sin to freedom in Him)

4. He wants to live with us

5. He wants us to recognize that He is our God

Guidance

Today as I was journalling, I noticed that the word guidance was a combination of "guide" and "dance". So, it hit me that when we say that we are wanting God's guidance, it means we want Him to guide us through the dance of life. I loved that idea, because I believe there is so much expression and emotion found in dance. Also, it is something that you usually do with another person that you trust. So, it might be a slow dance, a quick and exciting dance, or just a goofy, fun, having-no-idea-what-you're-doing dance. No matter what type it is, it will always be a partnership!



Today I'm going to enjoy the dance of my life (which currently, kinda feels like a having-no-idea-what-you're-doing dance).

His Hands

"When my heart is breaking, He holds me in His hands" That explains a lot of my relationship with God right now. He is SO faithful in working on my life, in providing the needs and letting me know that he is there willing to carry my burdens!

"Patience My Child"

Today would have been the day that Moriah and I would be on the airplane headed for our new home in Cameroon... Instead I'm in Oregon, waiting.

To say that I am completely fine with that would be a lie.

I want to get on with my adventure. Go where there will be a challenge. Where I'll need to depend fully on God (why don't I start on that now?). Leave the U.S. for the place that is really home. I'm reminded though that God is in control, there is a reason I'm still here... waiting. It's as if God is saying,

"Patience my child, not all your plans will play out the way you plan them.... you've got to trust."

This shouldn't be new either, in fact all my plans have been turned upside down.

The plan I started out with was to go for a full year of mission service and it was going to be in Ethiopia. On top of that I would have gone down to see my sister in Malawi for Christmas break. Once the plans for Ethiopia fell through, there was a period of waiting... the view of leaving in June diminished as there was no call coming through. April went by and then it was the middle of May I hadn't heard from any of the hospitals I had looked into. At this point I was wondering if I would be SMing or not. Then I heard from a little clinic, soon to be hospital in Cameroon.

The craziest thing was that it wasn't anything that I had been looking for.

My picture had been remote and someplace closer to Malawi... what I got was a university town, far away from Malawi and being the only SM (later on found out that Moriah was coming with me). Despite all that God gave me a peace of mind and an excitement about it. Next came the funding. The due date for all the money was July 1st and that day came and went. It wasn't till the 21st that I reached the $3,200 mark. At that point I could get my ticket so it was set for the August 17. I sent my visa in to the Cameroon Embassy and thought things were finally falling into place! Unfortunately, that was not true, on the 10th I got a call saying that the embassy was backed up so they wouldn't have my visa processed in time.

Bummer!

Now, I have three more weeks of waiting till I (perhaps) leave for Cameroon :)

So....

I'm not going to Ethiopia.

I didn't end up leaving in June.

I still have money to raise.

I'm not leaving today.

I'm only going for 9 months.

I struggle with patience and trust.

I don't know what God's plans are.

...Yet God is STILL in control!

And perhaps all this waiting is just one of the many lessons that God is teaching me.

What disappointments do you have in your life?